Back when my favorite FLGS (Friendly Local Gaming Store) DropZone was open, I'd go there once a week after work to game as it was more or less on the way. None of my friends were usually there but occasionally I'd manage a pickup game.
One player in particular, I remember playing against. (I don't remember his name now.) I played him a few games in Firestorm Armada and Infinity. He beat me every single time in both games. I'm not even talking about close matches I mean I received a full-on drubbing every time.
Now, at first that didn't bother me. I was new to those games and this guy had experience so of course he would be expected to win. My objective was less about winning and more about learning. I also hoped to get some helpful tips from a better player. Well, that never happened. He never offered me constructive criticism after a game, he never made suggestions on how I could improve my force or tactics. He was just happy to defeat me time after time.
The last time I played him, I remember one of the staff commenting to him, jokingly, "Beating up on the new guys again, I see." He reacted with a shrug. That was pretty telling. I realized then that he wasn't going to be a mentor in any way, shape, or form. I'd seen him play others and he was mediocre against other experienced players, and I never saw him beat one of them.
So what was going on here? Well, from what I could tell, he was a mediocre gamer who had developed a habit of playing new players because he could beat them easily. That was his reputation. He wasn't being nice. He wasn't being friendly. He was just some guy whose ego needed easy wins, and newbies like me were the means to get that.
I don't harbor any resentment toward the guy. At least I got to play some games. The downside of the culture at DropZone was that it tended to be very clique-ish. Since none of the people in my regular gaming circle were there when I would go after work, I was basically the odd man out. I continued to go there after work once a week but I never played that guy again, even when he offered me a game. I didn't tell him why, just made some excuse about having to leave soon. He wasn't looking for a game that would bring mutual enjoyment. He wasn't looking to play me out of a sense of friendship. He only wanted to play me because he knew he'd be guaranteed to win. I honestly felt a little sorry for him.
If I could say something to that guy, and to other gamers like him, I'd say something like this:
Hello. I'm glad we share an interest in the same game, and it would be cool to play you again sometime after I have gained more experience and sharpened up my skills. In the meantime, I have to be honest, it gets old feeling like your personal punching bag. Gaming is fun whether you win or lose, but there is an element of sportsmanship that I feel is absent when I play you. You aren't playing for fun, you're playing for your ego. It's almost as if you're afraid to offer me some friendly advice because I may someday start to beat you more often than not. That's a shame, because it makes you someone who isn't fun to play against. It's been a long time and maybe you're different now, but sadly I remember you as being kind of a jerk. No hard feelings, and honestly I did learn from you, just not anything in game. I learned to be more careful about who I play, and stick with opponents who will whip my butt in a game I'm new to, but also give me some friendly advice so I can improve my game, which is a benefit to both sides. I hope you can see that. If not, that's a problem you should work on.
Typically when I play a game, if I find myself winning most of the time, I'm likely to make suggestions to my opponent for next time. Of course, sometimes people are salty right after a defeat but if they seem open to the discussion, then we have it. Isn't that what it's about? Getting some games in, making friends, improving?
When I'm bad at a game, I want to play opponents who will help me improve. If you're afraid of your opponent getting better, I'd gently suggest you think about why that is.
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