Dungeons & Dragons Etiquette Part V: The Party Wipe

Have a seat, my friends. Let's talk about the most dreaded event in the Dungeons & Dragons game realm: The Party Wipe, or as it's also known, a TPK (Total Party Kill).

Play D&D long enough and you'll see it happen eventually. A combat starts to go badly for the player characters, they start going down, and before you know it, the band of brave, stalwart heroes has been vanquished and killed to the last man. Time to roll up new characters.

A TPK happens for one of three reasons.

1) The Dungeon Master slipped up and made the encounter unreasonably difficult, and the party died. A DM worth their salt will always reflect after the game, and spend a little time thinking about whether the combat, under the circumstances, was too difficult and whether they need to make adjustments for the future. Nobody's perfect, and this can and does happen from time to time. As a DM, I myself have wiped out a party more than once because I gave them more than they could handle. It happens. Just be honest about it, make some adjustments, and get back on the horse.

2) The dice just rolled against the party. I'm not a big believer in luck, and random chance doesn't always mean that both sides get about the same results. Sometimes it really does feel like you're cursed when you can't score a critical hit but the enemy seems to get them every other round. Sometimes it really feels like the dice hate you when your D20 decides that, despite all odds, you roll 3 or 4 consecutive 1s when trying to attack the monster. Failing a saving throw in a critical moment, or suddenly taking a lot more damage than you'd normally expect can swing a battle badly against the party, and the result can be a party wipe. It happens sometimes. It isn't anyone's fault, it's just random chance, so all you can do is roll up some new characters.

3) Party foolishness. This is where our rant lies today, friends. This is just a bit of what I heard after a party wipe a couple of years ago, when I was running the Temple of Elemental Evil (Converted to easymode 5th Edition:

"This module is too hard!"

This is an old module from the 1980s. It was published in 1985. In 1985, the most experienced Dungeons & Dragons player in the entire world had about 11 years of experience. Such players managed to beat this module. The LEAST experienced D&D player in my game had 20+ years in the game. The most experienced, 30+. No. The module isn't too hard. The problem is that the current crop of games has encouraged a mindset that every combat in any game you play must necessarily be evenly balanced and winnable. This is not what roleplaying is. Roleplaying games are as much about knowing when NOT to fight, when to use diplomacy, when to use stealth, when to use guile even more than they are about using combat tactics and strategy. I don't like to run recent content for this reason. In modern D&D modules, every battle is assumed to be winnable by the player characters, and they're never pressed to think of better ways to approach a situation. This is the result. "Enemies are coming after us! Well, that's ok, surely there wouldn't be a fight in this module that we can't win, right?"

"We didn't scout the area ahead of time because it usually doesn't matter!"

Well hopefully, neither does fire insurance on your house. You still have it anyway, don't ya?

"It made perfect sense to start that fight under the circumstances!"

Did it? How would you know? None of the players asked me any questions about the environment, nobody scouted the area to see what else was nearby, and nobody stopped to consider that the two enemies you could see might indicate the presence of a LOT more. That's like saying it made perfect sense to drive through the intersection without bothering to look to the left and right for traffic, all on the basis that there were no other cars immediately in the intersection.

"You made the fight unwinnable!"

Yes. Yes, it was unwinnable. The instant that arrow left the elf's bow I knew the entire company of adventurers was about to die. So what? Does it help for me to tell you that the battle, as presented, was just as it appears in the printed module? No? Well then go back and see the first complaint above.

"We didn't know what other options there were!"

Besides scouting, diplomacy, waiting, spying, or the like? Well in fairness, I will take some of the blame here and admit there was a miscommunication between myself and the players over the wider environment where the fight took place. They didn't know where the treeline was because I neglected to tell them. That said... In my defense, in every other encounter similar to this one, the players bombarded me with questions so they'd know the lay of the land and their options. But for whatever reason this time they didn't. Apparently, that makes it all my fault the party wiped. :wink:

"There was no cooperation between the characters!"

Yep. But I can't fix that. I can't make you play your characters a certain way. That's all up to you.

(Disclaimer: No, I don't come onto this site just to vent while presenting a smiling face to the players. I have had this conversation with the players and I've typed nothing here that I haven't said to them. I'm just sharing so that others who have had the same experience can commiserate.)

Character death sometimes happens in D&D. If it doesn't, then it's too easy. The drama comes in when all the characters die at once, because instead of just one person feeling annoyed or disappointed or whatever, EVERYBODY feels that way at the same time. It isn't the most fun aspect of the game, but it is necessarily a part of a game where adventurers go out and fight scary monsters. Just roll a new character.

I once heard it said that a party wipe should not be seen as a fail state in a game.  It's a learning experience and an opportunity for a new party to avenge the old and maybe even get their loot.  The game isn't over, it just means a new crop of heroes has to take over.

Dungeons & Dragons Etiquette Part IV: Play the Game

A few more bits of advice from my personal experience as a Dungeon Master.

Know How To Play Your Character

Yes. D&D is a complex game. Yes, 5th Edition has a lot going on. (Just like every other edition) Yes, there can be quite a bit to keep track of, especially with character classes that have more things to manage than others, like spells. If you're going to play such a character then you really need to know your character and what your options are. The time to be deciding what spell to cast or which monster to attack is when someone else is taking their actions and you have a moment to look your sheet over or consult the rulebook. Nothing ruins the flow of combat more than when it's the turn of a player who doesn't know how his/her character works and has to start reading in the book only when it's their turn.

As a subsection to this, yes, it can take time to learn to play D&D. Yes, there's a lot of reading material, and yes, the way it all interacts can sometimes be a bit confusing. People are always happy to help but do you know what gets old? When you've been in a bi-weekly game for almost 10 years and people still have to help you figure out what modifiers to apply to your D20 roll when you're attacking a monster in combat. if you're the type of player who only ever cracks the spine of your Player's Handbook at game time and never in between sessions, this is probably you. And no, nobody's buying the "I'm sorry, I've been busy and I just didn't have a chance to look in the book!" If this is your line, you're a liar, because what you're asking people to believe is that you have literally been so overwhelmingly consumed with tasks keeping you busy that you literally haven't had the ability to sit down in a chair with a Player's Handbook and review a couple pages on how attack rolls work. Normal human beings would collapse from exhaustion from that kind of marathon business. But not you, right? Betcha you found plenty of time to binge on Netflix or YouTube though, haven't you? Made sure all your Facebook feeds are up to date? Favorite pics up on Instagram? Been keeping up with all your Twitter followers?

But yeah. You haven't had a chance to read the &*%(*&@ rulebook. Poor thing.

Transportation 

Not all of us are blessed with access to a car or public transportation to be able to get ourselves to and from D&D games. People are generally understanding of that. Here's the thing though... If you found a ride to the game but not back home, the time to ask someone for a lift is before you show up. Rule of thumb for those of you who depend on others for rides: Never get a lift from someone to a place without knowing how you're going to get home. If you just show up for the game session with no clue how you're getting home, waiting until only THEN to ask someone, then you're being a jerk. Now people will feel obligated because if nobody volunteers, chances are it's the host that's going to be stuck running you back to your house because otherwise that's the person whose house you're stuck in. Oh, and by the way, if you aren't at least offering a couple bucks for gas, guess what that makes you?

Game Accessories

D&D has always had lots and lots of accessories and expansions that offer new classes, spells, items, character options, etc. D&D has also always been a game famous for its problems with power creep - the phenomenon where game supplements tend to raise the power level of characters, as opposed to just offering a wider variety of options without affecting game balance. Many DMs (Like myself) impose a restriction on what if any, game accessories are available to the players when it's time to create or level characters. No, the DM isn't just doing that to keep you down. No, the DM isn't just being a mean ol' poopyhead. The game accessory you want to use could very easily be game-breaking and the DM has the right to make that call. No, he or she is not obligated to let you use Xanthar's Guide to Everything just because you blew $50 on it.

Game on.

Dungeons & Dragons Etiquette Part III: Be Adults

Dungeons & Dragons is a game that is best played in a group of adults. Yes, kids can play it but the game really comes into its own when grown-ups are driving the party. That said, here are some items specifically pointed to the adult players.

Personality Conflicts

Nowhere is it written that part of the Dungeon Master's obligation is to manage your ability to get along with the other players. It's assumed you can handle that on your own. Now, it's true that sometimes two people just can't get along, even if they're making a genuine effort. If that's the case, then it may not be a terrible idea to ask the DM to sit down with both of you to talk it out. The DM is the choice here because sometimes members of a group don't know each other as well as they know the DM, so having a mutual friend present can help. Keep in mind that this situation is putting the DM in a bad position. You may very well be creating a situation that forces the DM to choose between you and another friend. That isn't fair, and it puts at least one friendship in jeopardy. If that DM has to choose between you, somebody's getting hurt.

Rules Lawyering

I've mentioned this before as advice against arguing with the DM.  Let's elaborate.

In every D&D group there's at least one player who has the free time, the energy, or the amazing memory to all but memorize the entire contents of the Player's Handbook. In and of itself, that's not a bad thing at all. Having a living rules wiki sitting at the table can save a lot of time. There can be a downside though.

If you're that player, and you know the rules so well that you find yourself constantly correcting people, stop. On big, important things, by all means, mention it and help people to learn the rules better. What you do NOT want to do is nitpick. People generally don't mind being corrected from time to time, but if they feel like you're policing them, they'll start to resent it. D&D is a complex game, filled with plenty of special, unique cases where the rules interact in a complex way, or sometimes don't cover the situation. This is why this kind of gaming needs a Game Master.  Let the DM handle it. Sometimes a DM has to bend or even break the rules in order to handle a particular situation in a fair and equitable manner. The DM is empowered to do this.

Politics

Some people LOVE to talk about their views. They eagerly await any opportunity to share their perspectives and beliefs, and will readily engage in a discussion about them. Some of those people are actually able to be reasonable even with those with whom they disagree.

If that's you, great. But if you're the sort of person who becomes emotional during a political debate, or if you find it insulting when people don't share your views and concerns, then you're better off keeping your mouth shut. This isn't to protect others from you, it's to protect you from yourself. Don't ruin everybody else's good time just because you switch out of adult mode whenever someone says to you: "I disagree." You will soon find yourself out of a D&D group.

Bigotry

Keep your bigotry to yourself. There are plenty of people out there who have an axe to grind against some group or another. Probably more people than you might think. (Personally, I can't stand Penguins fans.) Some hate black people. Some hate white people. Some hate Muslims. Some hate Christians. Some hate women. Some hate men. Some hate Pittsburg Penguins fans (which is entirely understandable, TBH) while other delusional people hate Washington Capitals fans. Whatever your particular problem is, don't assume the others at the table share it. Don't assume nobody at the table is a member of the group you don't like.

Just remember, for every group you hate, there's a group out there that hates you.  There's no room for that nonsense in a D&D game.

Dungeons & Dragons Etiquette Part II: Another Rant

 Before I get started, I just want to say that no, I do not regard myself as the perfect DM, and I don't see myself as some sort of oppressed, longsuffering tormented soul or anything like that. These things just irritate me, and I hope to 1) Find others who can relate, 2) Help make others aware so they don't do it to their DM and 3) maybe entertain a reader or two along the way.

Let's talk about more etiquette that people need to know.

Bringing in New Players

Do you have a friend who is intrigued by the way you describe your D&D group and is interested in joining? Here's a thought: LET THE DM KNOW. Because I actually got this at Church a couple weeks ago:

Him: "So I was talking to person A and person B about our group, and they want to join. Would that be cool?"

me: "Well, put them in touch with me. There should be room."

Him: "OK cool. So I can tell them to come on Friday?"

NO NO NO NO NO NO. Now, I'm not an English major, though I like to think I'm a reasonably competent English speaker. So you can understand where I'd be baffled by the idea that the sentence "Put them in touch with me" somehow translates to "Yes, tell them to come on in!" I indeed followed that with "There should be room" but you have to understand 2 things: First, until recently our D&D group was one huge 8-player game that I was DMming. One of the players brought in a friend (To her credit, she checked with me first on that) and with the additional person, we were now able to split into 2 groups. 2 DMs at the same time with 4 players in each group. So when I said "There should be room" that's true, but there are also 2 DMs now, and it isn't my place to speak for the other. I was willing to take one player, which means the second guy would have had to go to the second group.

Your DM is trying to perform a very careful balancing act by matching the difficulty of the encounters with the power level of the group. To just bring in new people without notice or to expect to be able to accommodate new people without letting the DM talk with them first is a massive disruption. I wanted to talk to those players first because I don't know what their play style is. My group is focused mainly on the narrative, which means we don't power-game... But some players do because that's just a different play style. What happens if a power gamer gets inserted into a group of casual narrative players? Yeah. Nobody has fun.

Keep track of your @!#$@! Dice.

I'm serious about this. Right now, as I type this, I have a nasty blood blister on the sole of my right foot because one of the players from last night's game dropped a D4 on my basement floor and left it there... so I stepped right on it in my bare feet as I was preparing the game table for a Warhammer 40,000 game this morning. The pain was... exquisite. I didn't see it because that D4 happened to be the same color as my basement floor tiles so I had no idea it was there until it was trying to push its way into my tarsal bones. The only good part is that it was I who stepped on it, and not one of my kids or my wife.  A die on the floor is a caltrop.  This is especially true of d4s.

Pick. Up. Your. Dice. If you bring a 5 lb. sack of dice to every game, and that's what's preventing you from keeping track of all your dice... LEAVE MOST OF THEM AT HOME. You do NOT need 30 dice to play D&D. You can do fine with 6. I know that to some, a big collection of dice is a status symbol, but get over yourself.

While we're talking about dice... That 5" diameter D20 is a cute novelty but that cuteness wears off rapidly when the migraine-inducing sound of that thing banging against the table every time you swing your weapon goes into its second hour. It was cute the first time you rolled it. Now put it away. The same goes for your heavy stainless steel dice and your novelty D20 that lights up like a restaurant pager when you roll a natural 20. We get it. We saw it. There's no need to point it out to us every time it happens.

Thank you for your attention.

Dungeons & Dragons Etiquette: A Rant

 Up until now, the posts on this blog have focused on wargaming.  In fact, the title had "wargaming" in it until I changed it just now.  I did this because I want to also talk about tabletop Role-Playing games and it doesn't make sense to me to create ANOTHER blog to talk about them there, especially when I don't play a lot of wargames anymore.

Also, this and the next few posts will be copy/pasted (and edited) from a forum I used to frequent but is mostly abandoned, and I wanted to save these posts before they end up deleted.  I think the comments I'm making in them are still relevant and I don't want to have to write the same thing over again.

I'd like to offer a few dos and don'ts of playing Dungeons & Dragons. Most people play at someone's home, but even if you play at some other venue, most of these still apply.

Arriving for the game

Arrive no more than 15 minutes early. If the game is scheduled for 7PM the host is not expecting to have to deal with people at 6:15. People who go to school or have jobs usually get home not too long before game time and may still be setting up, relaxing a little, having dinner, getting dressed, etc. When you show up early you disrupt whatever routine they have before the game and that's rude. The host may not necessarily call you on it, either. They may feel guilty like saying something to you about it would be rude or inhospitable. Know why? Because they're relying on you, the guest, to know proper etiquette and it's awkward to have to explain it to people, especially adults. When you breach etiquette it tends to make people second guess themselves because they'd rather not believe you're just being an inconsiderate jerk. Just don't do it.

If you're going to be late, let someone know. Ideally, you would contact the DM to let him/her know but in a pinch, it's fine to tell another player who can relay the message. This is so that the DM can make a decision on whether to start without you or wait. Sometimes the adventuring party is right about to confront a particularly difficult or dangerous foe and will want to wait for you before engaging so that the battle will be fought with the group at full strength. Sometimes it's okay to just go on without you and you can jump in when you arrive. Only the DM knows the scenario enough to make that call.

Supplies

Everyone occasionally forgets supplies. Pencils, dice, paper, miniatures, rulebooks, etc. are all things that can easily get left at home if we're in a rush to get ready to go to the game. There's nothing wrong with borrowing spares from someone else in these cases. That said, if you're consistently having to borrow these things from others, you're being a jerk. Sometimes people are extraordinarily nice and bring extra to lend as needed, but if you're relying on that because you either don't care to bother bringing your own or don't want to obtain your own, then you're taking advantage and you need to get your own stuff.

Snacks

Bring chips, soda, cookies, etc. If everyone pitches in, there might just be enough for everyone. Don't be "that person" who never brings anything. Yes, people do notice even if they don't choose to say anything.

Pre-Game

The time before the game starts is the time for socializing, chatting, sharing, etc. This is usually done before everyone has arrived. Don't wait until an hour into the game to share your work stories or talk about how sick you were last week. People came to play D&D, not hear your stories.

During the game

Keep the side conversations to a minimum. The time for those is the pre-game.

Also, yes, we've all seen The Princess Bride, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Yes, those movies are very funny, and yes, they're highly quotable. No, it's not okay to quote them during the game at every possible opportunity. That stuff gets really old really fast, and nobody's laughing anymore the 1,456th time the party approaches a castle and someone says "It's only a model." If you think "Nobody in my group is really that bad with the quotes" then it's probably you.

The same goes for quips in general. Yes, I'm sure you're very funny and would probably have them rolling in the aisles if you were a stand-up comic, but it gets really old really fast when the DM is trying to establish a certain mood or theme and here you are tossing out one-liners like Hawkeye Pierce in the O.R. Sometimes they're great and a useful way to break tension at the right moment, but chances are, your comedic timing isn't that good so it's better to keep quiet.

Don't argue with the DM. Seriously. Occasionally the DM might make a mistake and it's appropriate to point it out, but if the DM doesn't change their mind, it may be that there's more going on than you realize, and your arguing is more likely to mess up the story than improve the game. If you really feel the need to have a discussion then wait until after the game.

Remember that you're playing a game. Arguing with the GM because "common sense" says you should be able to do something that isn't allowed in the rules is a silly thing to do. D&D is a fantasy game, not a reality simulator. The game rules allow us to do all kinds of things that aren't possible in real life and the trade-off is that sometimes it disallows things we could do. Just play the game.

Keep your cell phone or other devices put away unless your character sheet is stored in it or something. Nothing is more irritating to the DM (and the other players) than it being your turn to take your action and you have to be brought up to speed on what's happening because you've been texting or checking social media for the last 15 minutes. If you have something better to do than pay attention during the game, then go do it somewhere else.

After the game

Help clean up. At the very least make sure you've collected up your own trash and thrown it away. Don't leave behind your empty soda cans, potato chip bags, cookie tins, etc. for the host to clean up later. Yes, that also means keeping track of your trash during the game.

Leave. D&D games played in the evening tend to run late into the night and people are tired. When the game ends, don't stand there and chitchat for an hour. Have you noticed that some of the players have already left? Yeah, your host may not say anything, but they're waiting for you to leave too. See that's the thing. You can go whenever you want. If you're tired you can choose to dart out the door whenever you want to. The hosts don't have that luxury. They're in host mode until the last player leaves, whenever that is. Don't be the last one out the door unless the rest of the group is right in front of you. If you're chatting and notice the host yawning or looking conspicuously sleepy, THAT IS A HINT. Go home. Here's a handy rule of thumb. After the game, if you're talking about something or telling someone a story, get to the point in a reasonable time, and once you've made that point, don't initiate any new topics of discussion. Save it for later.

Being a good D&D player isn't just about knowing the rules and making good decisions during the game.  It's also knowing how to be a good guest.

Ranks and Flanks, Please.

So Age of Sigmar.

The last time I mentioned Warhammer Fantasy in a blog post it was when we were still anticipating 9th Edition.  Yeesh.  That was... yeah.  A train wreck?

I had started collecting those 4 End Times book sets toward the end of WHFB but gave up.  It's not that I couldn't find them.  I was actually able to keep up fine.  The problem was that I started getting a funny feeling that all these dollars I was spending for these books was not going to feel like money well spent when it came down to it.  Boy, was I right or was I right?

I mean, as collector's items they're great... provided you have the space and the desire.  As gaming accessories... Pffffft.  Can't use 'em in Age of Sigmar, can ya?  and oh, the world got destroyed at the end of that fourth one anyway. 

That's when I walked away.  Age of Sigmar is another skirmish game in a hobby that's overflowing with skirmish games.  That, and Bretonnia basically got, as my buddy put it:  "the whole finger."  Yeah thanks for that, GW.  Glad I spent money on your overpriced Bretonnia minis when I could have been buying generic medieval minis all because I wanted to support the brand end encourage more Bretonnian content.  See what that got me?  And people wonder why I have a sour taste regarding Primaris Space Marines.

Happily, there's Kings of War.  I switched to that because I like my ranks & flanks style gameplay and Mantic was more than happy to not only  keep that going, but to provide army lists for all the now homeless Warhammer factions.  The added flexibility also meant that I could have elements in my Bretonnian army that I never did before, like heavy infantry and monsters.

Kings of War 3rd Edition is coming soon, and I'll be buying it.  I haven't played in a while, so this'll be a good time to shake off the cobwebs.  

Side note:  When the switch from WHFB to AoS occurred, I was a  big fan of the Garagehammer podcast.  You know, it was these guys who made me aware of Kings of War in the first place, back when they did Garage gamer episodes.  They crowed about it so hard that for a moment I was afraid the podcast was going to go full KoW.  Then later, when AoS dropped and they switched to it, they actually spoke disparagingly of people who didn't switch with them.  I distinctly remember Dave saying "Aww... can't live without your ranks & flanks?"  or something like that.  Jerk move, man.  

Look, I got into WHFB in the first place because of the ranks & flanks style.  I like it because it's a better approximation of how medieval battles were conducted on a large scale.  That's the kind of wargaming I wanted to get into back then.  I still like it so yes, I like my ranks & flanks and I don't know why that's somehow a bad thing now that GW has moved away from it.  Fanboy much?

It's not like Kings of War is the only option for ranks & flanks anyway.  There's Hail Caesar (which I can also use my Bretonnians in, as a medieval army) as well as some really old ones like DBA.  I went to KoW because they had army lists for all of us in my group of friends who were sitting on fantasy armies.

Yeah I know, this post isn't exactly current events.  Well that's what happens when you're back from a 4 year hiatus from wargame blogging.  You come back with a few old things to get off your chest.

Local Meta Can Be Fickle

So after writing that last post I took a moment to look over the older posts from this blog.  I hadn't posted a thing since 2015 and that's only partly a result of my hiatus.

So much has changed in the wargaming community at large as well as my local area.  Stores have risen and stores have fallen.  My favorite one is dead but there's one or two more good ones that have arisen.  (Or I've become aware of.)  And yet... I've barely played in the last year or so.

Part of it is the community.  Not to be disparaging, but the gaming community around here just isn't for me.  (Maybe it's the same everywhere in regards to this particular aspect.)  The problem is the "flavor of the month" thing was getting pretty heavy for a while there.  Here's what I mean.

I could walk into a place like DropZone (RIP) in April and people would be all about Malifaux.  There'd be a Malifaux ladder, tournaments, special events, all the Pick-up games would be Malifaux (or 40k.  There's ALWAYS 40k.)  Come back in July and it's Infinity.  New Infinity tables scattered about the store, new Infinity displays, Infinity global events, Infinity ITS events, etc.  Come back again in October and see what's next...

Sometimes 40K would absolutely dominate, sometimes Warmachine/Hordes.  Sometimes you could get a pick-up game easily in one of those if you were lucky, but play anything else and... Maybe somebody who was playing when it was mega-popular still has their stuff with them and may engage with you in a game.  Maybe not.

Add to that  my own introverted nature and the idea of going to the game store for some pick-up gaming or a tournament frequently enough (and laying out enough money) to keep up with the latest fad and... no thanks man.

Don't get me wrong, I like all these games.  I've had armies for all of them.  Rasputina crew, Joan of Arc centered Pan-O army, Black Templars, Menoth, not to mention Soviets for both Flames of War and  Bolt Action... Plus ships for X-Wing, Star Trek: Attack Wing...  Ugh.  Too much.  Just too much.  And if you don't have someone to play against then these things just collect a lot of dust.

Most of that is on its way to eBay.  I need space in my basement.

I think, as great as it is to see so many options in wargaming, the downside is the way it dilutes the player base, except when the local meta is in love with a particular system.  Then you lose the advantage of flexibility but you still have to keep up with the meta because it's constantly changing.

If you've got all the time, cash and energy in the world to keep up, then I say more power to you.

I just don't.